You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He better not be in your backpack
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
