you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
