There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
