woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
