i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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