I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
