You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
