I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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