Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you had me at cake vodka
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
