She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
