Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
