I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
