Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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