Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
