I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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