i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
