And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
