dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
