I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
