So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
