Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
