I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
