i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
