I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
