Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
