we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
