Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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