Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
