can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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