Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
