my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I need water and some morals
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
