So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I believe in your delicious
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
