were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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