Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
