So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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