So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize