I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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