can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
