Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
