I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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