she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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