ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
