i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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