I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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