Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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