I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
