just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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