I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize