Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
