He kissed a someone with a penis
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
