My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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