the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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