i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
