I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
