I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
