he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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