I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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