She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
