I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my sisters under your porch take her home
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize