Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
