How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
