Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
