I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
