I cannot find my penis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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