I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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