my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
