Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
