I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
