your parents love me but you hate me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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