Jerry, you need to find god
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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