He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
