I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
