Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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