you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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