she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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