If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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