What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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