As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
