Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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