when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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