It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
