I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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