So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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