shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
