You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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