I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize