He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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