I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
