We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
