3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
