he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
