The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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