I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
