we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize