Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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