operation harelip BJ is a go
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
