May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
