careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Houston, we have a squirter
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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