I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
