she looked like the before picture.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
