apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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