Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
please come you make the beer taste better
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
